It’s Been a Struggle

Transparently this is not my originally planned post for this week, but I want to keep things honest and real. I’m only human.

Many of us are really feeling the affects of quarantine, as well as stress and fear that Covid-19 brings. We are living in uncertain times, and it can become difficult to shut it all off. I am no different.

I went into this entire situation very calmly. Felt no need to panic shop, was still very much planning to attend my work trips and my big trip to Spain. I had hopes of carrying on as usual, and ultimately felt no concern about catching this virus.

However, in the last week things have really taken a turn. Everything is shut down, my normal routine is completely gone, and it’s the ONLY thing we are talking about. The reality is, what else could we talk about? Things we take for granted, and casually discuss day to day are basically gone for the foreseeable future.

On top of that, I have been working from home for about a week and half now. It really isn’t all bad. I’ve started to cultivate a new routine that I like. BUT what makes me feel anxiety, is the fact that it’s not just working from home. It’s quarantine working from home, which makes it feel somewhat like a jail.

I have gone from no concern, to a high level anxiety in a matter of days. And what’s really elevated that, is the news that a colleague of mine, who I work very close with is presumed positive for Covid-19. I haven’t been around her for 9 days, and don’t have any symptoms myself, but this news rattled me. I couldn’t calm down when I first found out. All rationality when out the window and I’ve been struggling since.

Maybe it’s the first person I know to have it so it hits close to home. Maybe it’s being quarantined in my house for days. Who knows. But my anxiety and stress is constantly on the move at this point in my life. The thought that this is what could be the norm for a while seems unacceptable to me. I don’t want to live in a constant state of anxiety, and I want normal life to resume.

But the truth, when I’m calm I know that this will pass. That this is a temporary situation, and for the greater good of our country. I know that this situation is controlling my emotions, and that I just need to make sure I am taking care of myself. It just happens to be more of a struggle than normal!

If you are feeling the same was I am, I feel for you and I hope you find ways to deal with it. But it’s also okay that we are not okay at the moment. We have never experienced something like this before. It’s a new experience that comes with all new emotions.

We WILL get through this. One day at a time!

Until next time,

2 thoughts on “It’s Been a Struggle

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