I will be honest here, this is a topic I heavily debated posting. There is such a range of feelings for women during this day, that I do not want to upset anyone. But I also want to be honest, and let those who land within my set of emotions know that it is normal and okay. Please know that anything written here is not meant to offend. These are my feelings, and I understand that they can be taken differently than I intended them. These are feelings that people aren’t often willing to share, but I want to be honest with my journey at all times. ♥️
Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday dedicated to all the mothers of the world. We all know they deserve it! Motherhood is a beautiful thing, but it is also a demanding, thankless job for many. So all mothers deserve to be recognized for the amazing accomplishments they pull off every single day.
Here is where the emotions comes to play. We have plenty of women who are not mothers, and would do ANYTHING to be mothers, but just can’t. There are mothers whose family just doesn’t put effort into this day, and they feel neglected. There are mothers who have lost their children tragically. There are step mothers who struggle with this day because on paper they are mothers, but in society’s eyes, and their step children’s eyes, aren’t “real” mothers. So for as many women who this is a wonderful day for, there are just as many women silently struggling with this day.
Then there are women like me. Thoroughly confused about their emotions on Mothers Day. And thoroughly confused on their thoughts around being a mother. Quite honestly, I go back and forth sometimes in a span of hours with if I want to be a mom or not in the future. See prior to being with a man with a child, I had never wanted kids. In fact even after becoming a step mother I still didn’t want any kids. But as the years of our relationship have gone on I have moments where I feel otherwise. The issue is, I always come back to my original reality. That I just cannot imagine being selfless enough to have a child.
Now I KNOW I have time, and that there is no rush for me to make a decision right now. But how does someone who feels that they will regret having a child, but ALSO thinks they will regret not having a child figure out what to do?! Will my decision eventually tip in one direction, or will I always be unsure? This isn’t a light subject. You can’t just change your mind here! And it seems that most women by this point in their life feel sure one way or another. How could I be so in the middle?!
Now at this point you’re probably asking yourself, “how does this equate to you having any kind of struggle with Mother’s Day?”.
The truth is my explanation is going to sound crazy. I know this because I know it’s crazy! But hear me out. There’s a chance (HOPEFULLY) that I am not the only one in this exact emotional state lately. And honestly, all feelings are valid if they are what you are feeling. It’s just finding the right way to express and handle those feelings!
Mother’s Day brings on two very specific emotions for me. And I can tell you I experience them in quite a wild ride through the day.
- Jealousy of those who are mom’s right now. Jealous of having a special bond with a child they created, and take care of. Jealous of the family they’ve built, and a child that is their child always. Jealous of the love they share, that no one can ever take away.
To me, this comes about because I am a stepmom. I experience the love of a child, and the love I have for a child. But it’s a different love. I am not mom, I am Dana. As I should be. But I can’t help but feel like I am lacking that bigger piece. I want to experience everything with a child of my own. Not take a back seat to the things that should be done with mom. I want to be there for all the big moments, and everything in between. Not have limited time. I want to be the comfort, and place of home for a little one. I want to be called mom by my own child. It just seems to me that there are many things I will miss out on by only being a stepmom.
But am I seeing motherhood through rose colored glasses because I am not living it?
2. Feeling like I am better than those who are moms. Feeling like I never have to give up my needs for someone else. Feeling like I can live my life however I want to, with no one depending on me for actual survival. All of these thoughts makes me roll my eyes when I hear moms bragging about their children, or even just talking about motherhood because I feel there are plenty of other accomplishments in life that are worth pursuing instead.
Honestly, this could all come from jealousy as well! Often times where we think negatively of someone else, it is a reflection of ourselves. I am fully aware of that potential! But the thing is, I believe these things. I have always felt that children ruin relationships. That children stop you from doing so many things. Just because I am a women, it shouldn’t have to be my burning desire to have children. I’ve always felt that so many women go full force into having children because it’s the way society sets us up to do, not necessarily because it’s what all women want!
But am I letting my selfishness skew my opinion on the joys of children?
I realize that this post barely scratches the surface of so many different conversations relating to motherhood. But at the risk of this going on forever, I will end it with this: Motherhood should be cherished, and we should absolutely celebrate all mothers on this day. But let’s not forget that whatever we are feeling on this day, good or bad is valid. Any emotion you are struggling with is okay, and deserves acknowledgement.
If anything resonated with you today, I would love to discuss it! Please let me know your honest thoughts always, and if this type of post is worth exploring deeper.
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers!
Until next time,