Struggling with Mother’s Day? You’re Not Alone

I will be honest here, this is a topic I heavily debated posting. There is such a range of feelings for women during this day, that I do not want to upset anyone. But I also want to be honest, and let those who land within my set of emotions know that it is normal and okay. Please know that anything written here is not meant to offend. These are my feelings, and I understand that they can be taken differently than I intended them. These are feelings that people aren’t often willing to share, but I want to be honest with my journey at all times. ♥️

Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday dedicated to all the mothers of the world. We all know they deserve it! Motherhood is a beautiful thing, but it is also a demanding, thankless job for many. So all mothers deserve to be recognized for the amazing accomplishments they pull off every single day.

Here is where the emotions comes to play. We have plenty of women who are not mothers, and would do ANYTHING to be mothers, but just can’t. There are mothers whose family just doesn’t put effort into this day, and they feel neglected. There are mothers who have lost their children tragically. There are step mothers who struggle with this day because on paper they are mothers, but in society’s eyes, and their step children’s eyes, aren’t “real” mothers. So for as many women who this is a wonderful day for, there are just as many women silently struggling with this day.

Then there are women like me. Thoroughly confused about their emotions on Mothers Day. And thoroughly confused on their thoughts around being a mother. Quite honestly, I go back and forth sometimes in a span of hours with if I want to be a mom or not in the future. See prior to being with a man with a child, I had never wanted kids. In fact even after becoming a step mother I still didn’t want any kids. But as the years of our relationship have gone on I have moments where I feel otherwise. The issue is, I always come back to my original reality. That I just cannot imagine being selfless enough to have a child.

Now I KNOW I have time, and that there is no rush for me to make a decision right now. But how does someone who feels that they will regret having a child, but ALSO thinks they will regret not having a child figure out what to do?! Will my decision eventually tip in one direction, or will I always be unsure? This isn’t a light subject. You can’t just change your mind here! And it seems that most women by this point in their life feel sure one way or another. How could I be so in the middle?!

Now at this point you’re probably asking yourself, “how does this equate to you having any kind of struggle with Mother’s Day?”.

The truth is my explanation is going to sound crazy. I know this because I know it’s crazy! But hear me out. There’s a chance (HOPEFULLY) that I am not the only one in this exact emotional state lately. And honestly, all feelings are valid if they are what you are feeling. It’s just finding the right way to express and handle those feelings!

Mother’s Day brings on two very specific emotions for me. And I can tell you I experience them in quite a wild ride through the day.

  1. Jealousy of those who are mom’s right now. Jealous of having a special bond with a child they created, and take care of. Jealous of the family they’ve built, and a child that is their child always. Jealous of the love they share, that no one can ever take away.

To me, this comes about because I am a stepmom. I experience the love of a child, and the love I have for a child. But it’s a different love. I am not mom, I am Dana. As I should be. But I can’t help but feel like I am lacking that bigger piece. I want to experience everything with a child of my own. Not take a back seat to the things that should be done with mom. I want to be there for all the big moments, and everything in between. Not have limited time. I want to be the comfort, and place of home for a little one. I want to be called mom by my own child. It just seems to me that there are many things I will miss out on by only being a stepmom.

But am I seeing motherhood through rose colored glasses because I am not living it?

2. Feeling like I am better than those who are moms. Feeling like I never have to give up my needs for someone else. Feeling like I can live my life however I want to, with no one depending on me for actual survival. All of these thoughts makes me roll my eyes when I hear moms bragging about their children, or even just talking about motherhood because I feel there are plenty of other accomplishments in life that are worth pursuing instead.

Honestly, this could all come from jealousy as well! Often times where we think negatively of someone else, it is a reflection of ourselves. I am fully aware of that potential! But the thing is, I believe these things. I have always felt that children ruin relationships. That children stop you from doing so many things. Just because I am a women, it shouldn’t have to be my burning desire to have children. I’ve always felt that so many women go full force into having children because it’s the way society sets us up to do, not necessarily because it’s what all women want!

But am I letting my selfishness skew my opinion on the joys of children?

I realize that this post barely scratches the surface of so many different conversations relating to motherhood. But at the risk of this going on forever, I will end it with this: Motherhood should be cherished, and we should absolutely celebrate all mothers on this day. But let’s not forget that whatever we are feeling on this day, good or bad is valid. Any emotion you are struggling with is okay, and deserves acknowledgement.

If anything resonated with you today, I would love to discuss it! Please let me know your honest thoughts always, and if this type of post is worth exploring deeper.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers!

Until next time,

Weekend Recap: Sunny Days & Social Distancing Birthday’s !

It’s a crazy time when excitement comes simply from a sunny, warm weekend. But it’s been so rainy and gloomy the last month, that warmth and sun is a BLESSING. Right now that sun and nice weather is all we really have to hold on to. It’s difficult not to feel excited about it!

With all that is not going on in my life, or anyone else’s I guess, I haven’t had a reason to post a weekend recap. But this past Friday was my sweet step son’s 7th birthday! We couldn’t let that go by without some kind of celebration. And then, as I mentioned, the weather was really nice this weekend. And at this point in time, that’s pretty noteworthy. 🙃

We haven’t seen my stepson since all this started. It’s been such a long time, and we really do miss him! There is nothing like that little kid sunshine to cheer you up. But we didn’t want to let this day go by without seeing him, and showing him how much he is loved.

Scott and I filled my car up with all different kinds of balloons. (Unfortunately I blew them all up. 10 out of 10 don’t recommend. Ya girl got DIZZY doing that.) We made him a birthday sign, and got everyone in the family to send a video wishing him happy birthday. I also made him my family’s special cupcake recipe, and brought a bunch for him to share.

The three of us had a nice time considering the circumstances! He took some of his favorite balloons home, and we all learned that I can low key clown. 😂 I was somehow able to make a hat, and sword out of balloons! It was as much of a surprise to me, as it was to everyone else. But my stepson loved it, and took those along with him as well. Anything to get that kid to smile right?!

Thankfully both Saturday and Sunday were gorgeous days! Both in the low 70’s, which to me is the perfect temperature.

Max and I spent a good portion of Saturday outside. We went for some really long walks, and attempted to let him meet some of the neighbors. It was so beautiful we just didn’t want to come in. I even got some sun burn in the process. Which for me, isn’t saying much. I can get sunburn just from walking to my car, I swear. But it seemed like a trophy almost from a day spent outside feeling good for once.

After Scott got home from work, we took Max for a drive to pick up some dinner. We opted for pizza and salad from one of my favorite Asbury Park restaurants, Porta! We even gave Max a chance to explore somewhere different before we headed home, and I got some more exercise in the process.

One thing is for sure, this dog is keeping me active!

Sunday looked like much of the same, but we ended it with some quality time, and strawberry margaritas on the back porch. Not bad considering the limitations of our current situation.

I would have done anything to be at a winery, or rooftop bar this weekend though. The weather is certainly helping, but I can’t wait to have some normalcy back!

Hope everyone else has had a lovely weekend, and feels refreshed for the week ahead. ♥️

Until next time,

How to Cope with Difficult Times

I often say that it is perfectly okay to take the time to feel what you feel, but don’t pack up and live there too long.

The world is a scary place right now. We are worried about leaving the house, getting too close to other people, and bringing things from the outside into out safe space. Everything is uncertain, and there is no real end in sight.

Now tack on the fact that people are dealing with the loss of friends and family. Others are losing their jobs, unable to see their children, or working on the frontlines every day with this virus. There isn’t a single person in the country right now who is not SOMEHOW affected by this pandemic.

At first I was very positive about the whole thing. “I’m going to keep to my routine, workout, eat healthy, start yoga! This can’t last too long!” That worked for a while. As the weeks went on it became a bit monotonous and lax. The longer we experience this the easier it is to start feeling like there is no point. And as the weeks go by, my life is being impacted more and more.

I am really going through it right now, and experiencing a lot of loss. Unfortunately I am the type of person who can really let what’s been going on take me down. Knowing that about myself helps me to battle my poor coping mechanisms, and redirect to something better. Below I have what I believe the proper steps are in coping with loss, anxiety, stress, difficult times, etc. I hope they can provide some help to anyone else who needs them!

Feel what you need to feel – I firmly believe you need to let your emotions take the ride they need. Feel everything. Spend a day or two coping how you need to cope, even if that means laying in bed never getting dressed.

Accept What You Cannot Control – This is important. For many of us, the reason we take so long to heal is because we cannot accept that cards we have been dealt. It is often very difficult to moved past something that you cannot control. The quicker we can come to terms with the fact that we have no control in the situation, the easier it is to move on. This is not easy. Trust me. But that radical acceptance is crucial in healing.

Talk to Someone – To me this seems like a no brainer, but that isn’t the case for everyone. Talking to someone you trust is therapeutic. It allows you the chance to say what you need, releasing your feelings out into the world. Holding on to everything you feel often backfires. Sometimes just saying how you feel is freeing, and a step in the healing process.

Pick Yourself Up – After you have allowed yourself some time to feel what you feel, you have got to move on. It sounds harsh and unrealistic, I know. But in order to not get stuck in your negative slump, you have to do it. Sometimes this looks like getting up early, doing everything you need to, and feeling positively. Some days this is just doing ONE thing you planned to do. It’s going to vary day by day, but you’re going to have to start.

Take Your Mind Off it – Last, it’s time to find something else to focus on. This is going to be a process. At first it will only work for a bit. Or maybe not at all. But keep doing new things, or the things you love to keep your mind from focusing on the negative. Workout, bake something delicious, read a book, start a new show…something you feel will help you during the healing process. You want to start to dwell on the negativity less and less, and the only way to do this is to find something to distract you.

I know it doesn’t seem like much, especially when you are right in the middle of something awful. The reality we all know is that healing takes time. Take it day by day. Be kind to yourself during your healing process. But make sure you are taking care of yourself, and start to follow the necessary steps.

Stay safe everyone ❤

Until next time,

We Got a Dog!

So, I actually have a life update other than, “things are difficult right now.” It’s a little bit of joy in the midst of a lot of negativity!

I don’t know if I have made this clear at any point, but I am a dog person. The kind of dog person who cries at the cuteness of a dog. Cries knowing there are dogs who need homes and don’t have families. The kind of dog person who honestly has thought about how to adopt all the dogs. I love meeting new dogs, and always want to have one or three 😉 in my life.

The best dog in the world lives with my parents, and I lived with him for 12 years before moving out. He is an absolute angel baby. When I moved in with Scott he had black a cat name Melky. The personality on this cat was unmatched. He was a funny guy, but also the worlds largest jerk. My favorite trait of his had to be the way he ate. He would pick up the food out of his bowl, carry it into the carpeted hallway, drop it, pick through it, and leave the rest laying there. As you can imagine we had a CONSTANT supply of cat food all over the house. It drove me nuts!

But then, when he stopped eating, and I didn’t have to vacuum 2-3 times a day, I started to miss it. We knew this signaled the end of the road for our little Melk. He had a long life of 13 years causing chaos, and cuddling at his leisure; but his heart gave out and we lost him. It was devastating. I had never felt the loss of a pet before. I missed his presence, and couldn’t stop calling out for him like he was there.

At this point I had been working from home for a few weeks and I really felt the loss. I casually started looking at adoptable dogs. We found one we liked, and decided to put an application in. Honestly we figured it would take a few weeks, and we may not have even been selected. We listed a family friend as a reference for the application, because it just so happen to be she fosters many through this organization. We just didn’t know HOW involved she was. She immediately called us and let us know we could adopt him if we wanted. Literally 10 minutes after submitting the application. It went from casually hopeful about adopting a dog in the future, to adopting this dog in two days. But we made the decision, and took him home that weekend!

So here he is, Max, our 8 month old Australian Cattle Dog/ Blue Heeler!

He’s the sweetest little boy, but also a lunatic! He really wants to meet every person he sees, so social distancing has been hard for this one. He loves to destroy he toys, and run around the house. He is also SUPER smart. He’s learned so many tricks in the week and half we have had him. But most importantly, he is already so attached to us and loving. I can’t wait to have him trained up, and ready to hit the world to make all the friends!

Honestly, I did feel quite guilty getting a dog so quickly after the passing of our cat. I know there is no right or wrong way to do it, but it did happen much faster than I anticipated. I am still finding that I feel quite sad over the loss of Melky. He was such a personality in our house, that it’s difficult to not feel a gap. He will not soon be forgotten. We loved that little asshole. ❤

So that’s it. Our lives have changed drastically and quickly, but definitely for the better. I love that little guy SO much already.

Tell me about your pets. Are you a dog or a cat person? What kind of dog do you have? I’d love to hear any story about you dog!

Until next time,

Why I’m Taking a “Break”

No, I’m not taking a break from blogging, but let me explain!

It’s become very apparent that everyone is trying to stay in their routine, or doing MORE than usual. Quarantine has become the time to improve ourselves, find new hobbies, eat better, and workout all the time. I think that’s a great use of all this down time! However, I don’t feel that the “improve myself” mentality works for everyone, or even for the entirety of this pandemic.

These are unprecedented times, and that means a range of emotions for most. It’s absolutely okay if you aren’t feeling productive, or are even quite lazy. If you are feeling anxious, depressed, or emotionally drained, that’s okay too!

I started off feeling like this was going to be a time of productivity for me. And the truth is, I just don’t see it that way anymore. I see it as a time to survive. A time to deal with emotions I’ve never experienced before. It’s time to drop the expectations I have for myself, and be forgiving. There is enough anxiety and stress going around. I don’t see the need to cause more by having all these expectations at a time like this!

I want to be forgiving of the time I have spent laying around, feeling too unmotivated to do literally anything. I want to be forgiving of the meals I have had that were actually just pepperoni and some Triscuits. And I want to be extra forgiving for not utilizing all this “extra time” to workout more often than I normally would.

I am promising myself that I will be more understanding when I don’t get a blog post up at my scheduled time, or even on the right day. I will also be understanding when I just don’t have ideas on content right now. I love this blog, and I love the community of support, but it isn’t worth feeling extra stressed over right now. I will do what I can!

Most of all, I am going to listen to myself. Listen to what I need each day, and make sure I am supporting my well being the best I can. I am taking a break from the expectations, and the pressure. I am simply going to “survive” each day, and I am okay with that right now.

Are you feeling like you just need a MINUTE? What can you let go of right now that may help you feel better? And if you are actually productive during this time, what’s something you’ve started doing during quarantine life?

Until next time,

How Yoga has Helped Me During the Pandemic

First I would like to start by asking, how are you? I know this experience is different for everyone, but I am genuinely interested to know how you are holding up?

As I mentioned last week, it’s been a struggle for me. Ups and downs for sure! But I am really trying to focus on myself during this time. One of the things that is really getting me through is being active, and continuing to workout despite the limitations. I do really miss going to the gym, seeing my friends there, and being able to continually push myself to get stronger. But thankfully my gym has been sending at home workouts quite regularly, so I have had some intense workouts considering the circumstances.

Before all of this happened I had been debating trying out yoga. I had tried it in the past on one of those p90x videos back in the day, but really didn’t like it. However I feel that my regular workouts need to be countered with something a little less intense, AND it has been like 8 years since I tried it. I figured my opinion could have changed in all that time, and there’s no excuse to not try something like this while being stuck in the house. To my great surprise, I can officially say I like yoga. In fact, yoga is helping both physically and mentally during this difficult time.

In the past, I found the breathing and stretching to cause me too much commotion in my head. Which I know is not the point AT ALL. But I would find my thoughts moving a mile a minute, so I couldn’t focus. But now this is what’s calming me. The attention to my breathing during my yoga practice is the best thing I could have ever found. It causes me to slow down, only hear my breathing, and block out all of the chaos my brain wants to throw at me. I also find that the time FLIES by. Presumably because I am so focused on my practice. It’s actually amazing.

As for the physical portion of this, it is difficult. I am not nearly as flexible as I once was, and there is some real strength involved here. But at this point in my fitness journey, I love to push myself. I no longer shy away at the thought of not being able to do something. So yeah, yoga is hard. But I’m going to figure it out, and master it.

I also feel that the stretching is doing my body some good! Like I mentioned, my normal workouts are intense. We warm up, and I definitely stretch before hand. But there are days where my body absolutely needs some deep stretching, and more deliberate movement. So I have been doing yoga every other day to counter my workouts. Though it can be painful, I do find that it’s getting easier and my muscles are thanking me.

Overall yoga is making me feel amazing. Honestly, I’m so shocked. But when I finish a flow, I feel so calm and at ease. This is exactly what I need right now.

The reality is, I’m in the right head space for this kind of activity right now. But the truth is, this isn’t the only time I experience anxiety. In fact, this has made me realize this is something I need to keep apart of my life, quarantine, or no quarantine. I have a new found appreciation for the slower side of the fitness world. I am glad I took this opportunity to try something I didn’t think I would ever like!

What have you been doing to keep yourself grounded? Is yoga apart of your daily life? Let me know if you have any instructor suggestions to try out! Open to learning as much as I can right now 🙂

Until next time,

Thing I’m Loving Lately

I’d love to go into great detail about my very busy weekend, but we all know that I haven’t done anything. Unfortunately, none of us are really doing anything anymore. Honestly the most exciting part of my days have been going out for a walk in the sun. BUT, what can ya do.

Instead, I figured I would mention some things I am loving right now! Things that I wouldn’t normally be doing, but have found a new appreciation for in all the chaos.

Yoga – I first started yoga a week into working from home. I felt like my body had been needing something that was much slower paced than what I was used to. I am constantly pushing my body to the limits at my gym, so I have been thinking for a while I need something else to counter that. This seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Calming Music– This came about from trying out yoga. I found after one of my classes, that the music just made me feel good, so I kept it on. Now I find myself playing it when I am just hanging out in the house. There is something nice about background music that you don’t really have to pay attention to. I also found it to be good music for focusing on my writing, versus my normal music choices which can be distracting because of the lyrics.

I look for a Yoga playlist on Spotify, and usually find something good!

Winged Eyeliner – This might seem silly because I haven’t gone anywhere other than for a walk, but it’s giving my face a little bit of life!

As much a I love make up, I stopped wearing it all together. I felt like being at home all day every day doesn’t warrant the effort. Besides giving my face a break from makeup could be really good for it!

But I’ve found that some winged eyeliner, and tinted moisturizer are getting the job done. I feel good, look good, and it makes me happy to put some effort into my appearance. We also have A LOT of zoom meetings at work, so it doesn’t hurt to look less like a slob.

*For any who are interested, I am a fan of the Nyx Matte Liquid Eyeliner!

The Sims 4 – This was a mistake. I downloaded this because it was $5 on Origin. I loved The Sims, and had all of them up until the most recent one. It took me 5 years to get this one I think. I figured now is the time to try it out. Ordinarily I feel spending an entire Saturday glued to a game is a giant waste of the day. But right now, what’s the difference.

I’ve always loved building and creating the houses more than actually playing the game. But since there are goals to complete for my Sim, I figured I would see this through to the end. Actually attempt to beat it. It’s not like I don’t have the time.

BE WARNED. This will take up too much of your time if you decide to start playing this game, or any addicting game for that matter! :p

Virtual Gatherings with my Friends– Before the Coronavirus, did anyone REALLY use FaceTime all that much? I didn’t. But now it’s the standard. I’m choosing FaceTime over a regular call just because I miss everyone, and this makes it more personal.

So far I’ve celebrated a birthday, and a baby shower over FaceTime/ Zoom. I’ve had two happy hours, and a meeting with my team that included face masks. And my friend and I still have our daily coffee break, just over FaceTime. It’s not the same, but it adds a level of joy that we are missing right now. I love that we have this option. Who knows when I will see all my friends in person.

Tiger King– I would be remiss if I left this shit show off the list! I started watching because EVERYONE was talking about it. In every meeting at work, this documentary came up. The level of discussion was similar to when the documentary on the Fyre festival came out. I watched the trailer, and immediately was hooked.

Now I haven’t finished it yet. I am two episodes away. But every episode adds another level of crazy that you just did not see coming. I have had such a range of emotions watching this, and I can’t wait to finish it. I am so mind blown about the existence of all these private big cat zoo’s, and still trying to figure out how Carole is any different than the rest.

Honestly, I love when things like this come out. They become this moment in time where everyone was watching and talking about the same thing. It’s cool to see people come together and focus on something other than a huge sporting event or something that is pretty standard for us. If you’ve watched this, please let me know! I would love to talk about it.

Biggest Surprises I’ve Learned as an Adult

Have you ever thought back to some of the ridiculous thoughts you had as a kid, about what you thought your adult life would look like? I remember thinking I was going to drive a convertible and be a lawyer making so much money I didn’t know what to do with it.

I know, good one right?

It’s funny how much you just don’t understand as a kid, or even as a young adult.

I thought it would be fun to share some of the things that I found to be shocking once I was out on my own. Things you just didn’t put any thought into when you thought you knew everything!

  1. Spices don’t come with the house– Man did I have an endless supply of everyday spices in my mom’s cabinet. It never even dawned on me that you have to buy them all. That you accumulate them over time, and recipes, BUT also need to purchase the standard ones pretty much immediately. Oh and also, they are about $4 a spice. HAVE FUN.
  2. Fruits and vegetables go bad WAYYY too quickly– Did you have a busy week with no time to cook a fresh meal with a fresh veggie? That sucks. They are bad now, and you have wasted your money. I mean I don’t necessarily MIND when a zucchini gets lost in the madness. But let’s say I splurge and get the asparagus… OOooo I’m mad now if that goes bad!
  3. Laundry isn’t difficult like I thought. It just NEVER ENDS– I never did laundry growing up. I was one of the lucky spoiled ones. But whenever I was asked, I just couldn’t pull it together to help. It seemed difficult. Well, difficulty isn’t the issue. The issue stems from the fact that it’s three steps, and needs to be done ALL THE TIME. And even after it’s technically done, you’re not. You have to fold, hang/ put it where it belongs. It’s a never ending task!
  4. The same goes for dishes! Except that I cannot leave the sink messy for too long. CAN’T DO IT– My mother used to BATTLE me to get me to do the dishes when I was growing up. I always told her, “When I move out, I’ll wait as long as I want to do them. I don’t mind them sitting in the sink for days!!” Well that was a lie. I need them out of the sink or I’m not going to bed.
  5. I cannot explain, nor comprehend the joy I feel when furnishing a room in my house– It’s become a pastime. I love to see a room come together the way I imagined it. It’s what makes your house a home. Not much more I can say!
  6. Cooking dinner after work is actually super annoying. Not cute and housewife-y– I definitely thought that I would be one of those people who came home from work, made dinner even if it was just for myself, and cleaned up right after. I thought I would spend time coming up with new recipes to try, never repeating a recipe too much. Turns out, I’m an eat a whole box of kraft mac and cheese at least once a week kind of adult.
  7. How much your parents actually did for you, regardless of how you treated them– This is an important one. Once I truly realized what my parents sacrificed, and did for my all these years, I went home and thanked them. As a kid you don’t understand. You think you deserve everything, and shouldn’t have to do anything to support anyone else. The fact that your parents are people beyond parents isn’t comprehendible until the tables turn. My dad would always give up the tastiest thing on his plate if I expressed that I liked it, AFTER eating all mine. This sticks out to me because even now I can’t imagine doing something so simple for anyone. But he did every time, and he genuinely just wanted me to be happy.
  8. One day you wake up and things DO randomly start to hurt– At least for me, this one is painfully true. I have always been an active person, but as I’ve gotten older its become more difficult. I have bad knees that honestly appeared overnight. And that’s a constant pain. Let’s not forget about the random pains that you get from sleeping too hard, or moving the wrong way. Yeah…moving the wrong way…
  9. Just living is expensive! – Forget having “nice” things, or extra things. The things you need to simply exist in the world are more expensive than I really had an understanding of. Mortgage/ rent, groceries, utility bills, car payment, gas, cell phone service, student loans, cleaning supplies, furniture, etc. I know I don’t need to tell you! But those first numbers you estimate to convince yourself you’re ready to live on your own, are way. off. base.
  10. ALL adults are figuring it out as they go– You don’t reach a certain age and suddenly everything makes sense, and you have all the answers. Though I really wish that was true! You just realize that you don’t have it together, you won’t ever REALLY have it together, you’ll always be figuring it out. And this is the same for everyone. Some are just better at hiding it than others 😉

I wanted to keep it light this week with all the constant talk about Covid-19! I also think I might be into making lists right now. Next week I’ll get back to a normal schedule.

Anyway,I hope this silly post broke up your day a bit! Let me know some things you found to be shocking once you were on your own. I would love to hear!

Stay safe out there!

Until next time,

What I’ve Learned During Quarntine

So I am officially done with week 2 of working from home/ self quarantine, with no end in sight!

In my last post I talked about my struggles. And though they are still very much a reality, there is a lot of lightheartedness I can still talk about. I think it’s important to focus on the positives, rather than negative. So from here on out, that is the plan!

During these last two weeks, I’ve noticed quite a few things I think are noteworthy. So I figured I would create a list!. I’m going to keep everything silly and light. Let me know in the comments if you’ve noticed the same things, or have anything you would add!

  1. Sports NEVER really stop– Every sports platform is playing old games, all time best games, or offering free services to watch OLD GAMES. But the main thing I’ve learned is, that these old games are just as entertaining for my boyfriend as if they were live! Mind blowing. He posts up watching classic Yankee games, talking about them like they were current, and telling me to pay attention to the next great play that’s about to happen. It’s cute. But I don’t get it.
  2. Yoga is HARD– I decided to start yoga during this time. I have a few reasons, and it just made sense. By no means did I think it would be EASY. But I didn’t realize just how difficult. I’m impressed with yogis, and determined to get it right!
  3. I’m STILL lazy– This is a disappointment for sure. I really thought being home 24/7 would encourage me to do more. I always say I’m lazy because I spend all day out at work looking forward to getting home, so I want to use that free time to be lazy. NOPE. I’m still lazy. Turns out, I need to try harder and push myself to do more.
  4. I would be fine wearing the same exact leggings and hoodie for the rest of my life– Let me start by saying, I haven’t done this. HOWEVER, I’ve come quite close. It’s become very clear to me that I have no real need for any clothes other than hoodies and leggings. Work is the ONLY reason I own jeans.
  5. You can still have a great workout at home– Part of this comes from the fact that my gym has been providing us with workouts each day. But it’s only proven that if you put the work in, and don’t cheat yourself you can absolutely have a killer workout. And I’ve been working out every day which is more than I would going into the gym.
  6. Virtual happy hours are totally normal– I’m sure you’ve seen at this point that these have become the norm. We had for my whole department on Friday, and my boyfriends family and I are all virtually “getting together” next Friday. Obviously it’s not the same, it’s a really creative way for us to feel social and I’m ALL FOR IT.
  7. Tik Tok was made for people like me– SO I downloaded a Tik Tok. Partially because I figured there HAD to be funny videos of what people are doing with their quarantine time, and partially because I love the Jenna Marbles videos reacting to Tik Toks. TURNS OUT I’m the prime audience. I totally feel watching these videos is a waste of time in the normal world. But in quarantine corona virus world, WONDERFUL use of time. I can’t stop laughing… which I think is a good thing right now.
  8. Even with all this time to watch a new show, I still choose How I Met Your Mother – There are so many shows I have been “planning” to watch. SO MANY. And yet, I put on the same show every day. It’s like it’s some kind of comfort for me. Whatever, not gonna fight it. I like what I like.
  9. I still fall asleep on the couch at 7pm– Since my gym is closed, and I’m working from home, I am obviously able to sleep longer in the mornings. About 2.5 hours to be exact. On top of it, I’m not leaving the house. AND YET, I still fall asleep on the couch between the hours of 6-7pm. WHY.

There you have it, my two weeks of quarantine observations! I am so sure I will have more to share as this continues on. But if I’m honest, I hope not. I would really like to resume normal life soon. 😦

Interested to see what others have experienced during quarantine, so feel free to share your quarantine observations. Would love to hear!

Please be safe out there!

Until next time,

It’s Been a Struggle

Transparently this is not my originally planned post for this week, but I want to keep things honest and real. I’m only human.

Many of us are really feeling the affects of quarantine, as well as stress and fear that Covid-19 brings. We are living in uncertain times, and it can become difficult to shut it all off. I am no different.

I went into this entire situation very calmly. Felt no need to panic shop, was still very much planning to attend my work trips and my big trip to Spain. I had hopes of carrying on as usual, and ultimately felt no concern about catching this virus.

However, in the last week things have really taken a turn. Everything is shut down, my normal routine is completely gone, and it’s the ONLY thing we are talking about. The reality is, what else could we talk about? Things we take for granted, and casually discuss day to day are basically gone for the foreseeable future.

On top of that, I have been working from home for about a week and half now. It really isn’t all bad. I’ve started to cultivate a new routine that I like. BUT what makes me feel anxiety, is the fact that it’s not just working from home. It’s quarantine working from home, which makes it feel somewhat like a jail.

I have gone from no concern, to a high level anxiety in a matter of days. And what’s really elevated that, is the news that a colleague of mine, who I work very close with is presumed positive for Covid-19. I haven’t been around her for 9 days, and don’t have any symptoms myself, but this news rattled me. I couldn’t calm down when I first found out. All rationality when out the window and I’ve been struggling since.

Maybe it’s the first person I know to have it so it hits close to home. Maybe it’s being quarantined in my house for days. Who knows. But my anxiety and stress is constantly on the move at this point in my life. The thought that this is what could be the norm for a while seems unacceptable to me. I don’t want to live in a constant state of anxiety, and I want normal life to resume.

But the truth, when I’m calm I know that this will pass. That this is a temporary situation, and for the greater good of our country. I know that this situation is controlling my emotions, and that I just need to make sure I am taking care of myself. It just happens to be more of a struggle than normal!

If you are feeling the same was I am, I feel for you and I hope you find ways to deal with it. But it’s also okay that we are not okay at the moment. We have never experienced something like this before. It’s a new experience that comes with all new emotions.

We WILL get through this. One day at a time!

Until next time,

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